Is That Really Trauma? Let’s Clear Things Up!

We’ve all heard it before: “Ugh, that was so traumatic!” Maybe it was after a bad haircut, a long wait in the Starbucks drive-thru, or a cringe-worthy presentation at work. These moments might feel awful in the moment, but are they really traumas?

The word “trauma” has become a regular part of our vocabulary, often used to describe anything stressful, frustrating, or upsetting. And while it’s great that we’re talking more about emotional health, we also need to be mindful of what true trauma actually is.

I see it all the time—clients wondering if what they’ve been through “counts” as trauma or feeling guilty because they think others have had it worse. So let’s talk about it honestly and with compassion.

So… What Is Trauma, Really?

According to the DSM-5 (the big book therapists use to define mental health conditions), trauma happens when someone is exposed to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence (APA, 2013). That means experiencing or witnessing something life-threatening or overwhelmingly dangerous.

Of course, that doesn’t mean breakups, job losses, or failed exams don’t hurt (because they absolutely do). They just don’t fit the clinical definition of trauma.

Think of it like this: Your WiFi cuts out during the finale of your favorite show. Painful, yes. Trauma? Not so much.

If you’re wondering whether what you’ve experienced is trauma, check out this resource from NIMH.

Why Words Matter

At first glance, calling everyday struggles “trauma” might not seem like a big deal. But when we use the word too broadly, it can take away from the experiences of those who have lived through truly traumatic events.

Imagine if we called every little scratch a “broken bone.” It would make it harder to recognize and validate people needing serious medical care. The same goes for trauma. Overusing the word can make it harder to identify and support those struggling with PTSD or severe trauma responses.

But here’s the thing—just because something isn’t trauma doesn’t mean it isn’t important. Hard things still deserve attention, support, and care.

If you’ve experienced something painful and need support, therapy can still help. It doesn’t have to be “trauma” for it to matter; you matter.

What Real Trauma Looks Like

True trauma can come from many experiences, including:

• Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

• Combat and war-related experiences

• Severe accidents or life-threatening injuries

• Natural disasters

• Sudden or violent loss of a loved one

When someone experiences trauma, their brain and nervous system can get stuck in “danger mode.” Even when they’re safe, their body might still react as if the threat is happening right now. This can lead to symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and emotional numbness (CDC).

Think of it as your brain’s alarm system jammed. It’s constantly blaring, even when there’s no fire. That’s why trauma therapy focuses on helping people reset that alarm system so they can feel safe again.

If you or someone you love is struggling with trauma, check out SAMHSA’s National Helpline for resources.

Your Feelings Are Still Valid

Now, does this mean your tough experiences don’t matter if they don’t count as “trauma”? Absolutely not. Pain is pain, and your feelings are always valid. Life throws hard things our way, and it’s okay to feel them deeply. Your feelings are real and they matter.

What matters most is getting the support you need—whether that’s talking to a friend, working with a therapist, or finding ways to process your emotions in a healthy way. You have the power to seek the support you need.

Because whether it’s trauma or just life being, well, life, you don’t have to go through it alone. Remember, you are not alone in this. And I’m here to help, along with many others who care about you. 

Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?

Whether you’re navigating grief, trauma, or just feeling stuck, you don’t have to face it alone. I’d be honored to walk alongside you.

Reach out today to schedule a session or learn more about how we can work together at www.newbeginningswtn.com.

Because healing starts with one small, brave step. 🦋

New Beginnings Counseling proudly serves clients in Watertown, SD and nearby areas with both in-person and virtual support.